Trading in your Victim Card and Taking Back Your Power

I’ve been putting the finishing touches on my upcoming book over the last week, and one of the topics that was SO scary to include was a discussion on victim-hood and its link to suffering.

Because, geez- what a triggering topic, right?

In my book, I write about how we, as women, will often choose to play the victim, martyr ourselves, and sit in suffering because the horrible things that have happened to us "weren't our fault" or "made me this way".

Here’s my two cents:

We may not get to decide when/if life gives us painful, trying experiences, especially when other human beings intentionally choose to hurt us.

We do, however, get to choose to either:

A) Suffer through that pain, to blame others, to play the victim, to the point that we're hurting ourselves in a misguided attempt to feel better.

OR

B) Find the purpose in the pain and use it to grow and change and, eventually, to help others in similar situations.

Let’s face it- sympathy feels better than responsibility the vast majority of the time.

I don't say this lightly. I know the way our society is set up, especially with social media, that it's alluring to play the martyr or the victim. It gets us attention, it makes us feel justified in continuing to let ourselves feel hurt and wronged.

Complaining and blaming (family/spouses/exes/politicians/bosses/employees/God/the world) is SO much easier than realizing we have the capability to change any and everything that is not right in our lives.

I also say this from experience- because I have experienced SO much pain in my life.

I have dislocated my hips and shoulders hundreds of times, and wished I could remove my right leg out of agony and desperation.

I have helplessly witnessed my four day old son have his chest cut open to remove a tumor threatening his life.

I have been nearly raped, emotionally abused, and gas-lighted.

I have experienced anxiety and panic attacks from the age of 9.

And I stand here now telling you that letting myself suffer never made a single bit of it better.

What did make it better was deciding that I was done suffering, and I was ready to receive the lessons the pain was meant to teach me.

Now, I'm grateful for all of that pain, because it TAUGHT me lessons that I could have never learned otherwise.

And the biggest lesson I learned, is that suffering is no longer a choice I choose to make. And that by trading in my victim card, I received responsibility and POWER in return.

I forgive those who hurt me- for their sake and mine. I enjoy every anxiety and joint pain-free moment because I know what the flip side feels like. I own my emotional shit and no longer let others violate my carefully constructed boundaries.

When I notice my symptoms of suffering- feeling frustrated, or overwhelmed, or like I'm playing the victim card- I have systems in place to clean that mess up, fast.

Suffering doesn't get to permanently live within me anymore.

And now that I've gone through all that pain, and suffered, and learned how to stop suffering- I get to teach other women how to step out of victim-hood and martyrdom.

I teach other women to step into their power, by standing in mine.

So if you're ready to trade in your victim card- all you have to do is decide that your future happiness is no longer tied to what happened in the past.

And if you’re struggling to let go of the blame and the resentment- there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not an easy thing to do. That’s where a counselor or a coach can make all the difference.

So if you want to change, and you’d like help: let's talk. All you have to do is reach out below.