Taming your Fears in Times of Uncertainty

We are in the midst of what is likely the most socially, physically, and psychologically disruptive event that you or I have ever experienced.

No matter what life looks like for you in this moment- where you’re living, whether you’re working outside of your home, from home, or have lost your job.

Maybe you’re alone and missing human interaction, or maybe you’re surrounded by people and noise and can’t find a solo minute. Maybe you’re now stuck in a space that feels emotionally or physically uncomfortable.

Maybe you’re suddenly homeschooling your kids, or scrambling to find essential groceries.

Maybe you’re now worried for your health and the well-being of your loved ones and your community.

Whatever your current situation- it almost assuredly looks very different than it did a few short weeks ago.

For many of us, this shift has caused us to be thrown off balance- to feel unsteady on our feet, to be left wondering what life will look like in the upcoming days, weeks, and months when the dust settles.

This wide feeling of uncertainty and lack of control may even feel dangerous. And while some of us are not in immediate or life threatening danger, we may still be fearful for our lives and our livelihoods.

The fear can stalk our minds like a wild animal, encircling our thoughts, making us feel trapped.

When our fear grows and overwhelms us, it causes our brains to use innate instincts to react and try to keep us safe from the danger the fear makes us feel.

Our brains do this by using 3 main tactics:

Fight- Some humans are primed to “gear up” and fight when they feel scared or threatened. They will strike out and try to inflict pain to avoid pain.

Flight- Some people are more apt to try and “take flight”, or escape, when danger presents itself. They avoid threatening situations, and immediately try to remove themselves when things feel scary or uncertain. They may even mentally check out and pretend the danger isn’t there.

Freeze- Sometimes, when we feel like we cannot escape or fight our way our out of a scary situation, our brains will tell us to “freeze”- to paralyze ourselves so the danger cannot perceive us.

If any of the 3F’s sound or feel familiar to you- you are not alone.

Many of us who have felt afraid have experienced our brains implementing these tactics over the last several days.

Some of us have uncontrollably lashed out and yelled at loved ones over trivial annoyances.

Some of us have stood “stuck” over the kitchen sink staring at dirty dishes and unable to move.

Some of us have spent hours stuffing down anxiety, pretending that everything is fine and that nothing needs to change.

And some of us have sat on a back porch or in the garage uncontrollably crying over the inability to go anywhere other than our home.

I want you to know that this is completely normal.

It is to be expected that at some point during this social distancing process (or any other highly stressful and traumatic event) that your brain will try to “deal” with the danger it perceives.

When we don’t allow ourselves to process our feelings, to directly acknowledge the real or perceived danger and/or loss that may come in this time-

We let the fear sneak in and run the show, forcing our brains to try to fight, flee, or check out.

The problem with using the 3F’s to respond to fear, though, is that in any of these three states our vision both literally and figuratively narrows.

We lose the ability to see the good through the bad.

We lose the ability to see the opportunity through the challenges.

And, most importantly- we lose the ability to see our faith through the fear.

We make decisions that don’t take into account the whole, bigger picture.

We hurt others while trying to protect ourselves, and allow ourselves to be hurt when we run away or ignore solvable problems.

And we lose our ability to respond in a way that allows us to safely navigate through the scary situation.

There is another way.

We can choose to not fall victim to our fears- instead, we can acknowledge the fear that has encircled us and led us into overwhelm.

We can choose to see the fear as it is- not as a wild animal trapping us, but as a sign that we need to open our eyes and identify what the fear represents.

We can look beyond the fear and see the true emotions that are hiding underneath- feelings of sadness, grief, anger, frustration, anxiety, and/or guilt.

And once we know what the emotion is that is truly causing our fear, we can acknowledge those emotions as valid, as allowed, as normal parts of the human experience that do not need to be ignored or numbed.

From there, we can then reclaim our ability to respond in a nonthreatening, loving manner towards ourselves and others.

We can tame the wild animal.

To begin to identify your what your fear represents, ask yourself the following questions:

Which of the 3 tactics has my brain used in the last several days? How did I feel after I used them?

If there was an emotion hiding within me now, what would I call it?

What is causing me to feel this emotion right now?

What would I need in order to allow myself to feel this way, without judgement?

What is the “bigger picture” around my emotion? What am I not seeing or noticing by feeling this way?

How can I respond in a way that helps me “tame” my fear and my feelings? How can I heal myself in this moment? What can I do to release the fear?

It may feel hard to answer these questions, especially in a moment of overwhelm.

But doing this work is so very important- because once you know your hurt, you can begin to heal it.

Then, once you heal yourself, you can then see the hurt in others and help them heal it too.

Because what the world needs right now, more than anything, is people who have tamed their fears and are committed to helping us get through this season, together.